Shop With Her, Not With Me

This is about the startling difference between a trendy shopper (her) and a basic shopper (me). Written by the latter (dress code: black yoga pants and t-shirt), who is in awe of the former (dress code: anything whimsical, trendy, colorful; always accessorized).

Attitude is a mindset.

Me: Do I have to be here?

Her: Do we need to leave?

Enter store. Cheer or sigh?

Me (sigh): Race for the black rack. (Note: this rack doesn’t actually exist, but it should, especially in the store called White House, Black Market).

Her (cheer): Beelines for clothes that she describes as high-fashion and vibrant, yet I describe as “too loud”.

Scan those racks (get your mind out of the gutter!)

Me: Quickly scan for clothes that meet stated goals. Impatiently move as quickly as possible.

Her: Laboriously size up every piece of clothing on every rack. Pick out the most intricate, stylish, clothes. “Ohhhhh” …. “Ahhhh” … as she goes.

Try ‘em on.

Me: Tries on clothes because I have to – who wants to end up back at the store to return stuff?

Her: Tries on clothes because she loves to –! (Also, loves an excuse to go back to the store).

Accessorize. Or not.

Me: I have clothes. I’m done.

Her: We need shoes and accessories.

Me: Fine. Let’s start with shoes. (here’s where I become slightly fashionable, but I ALWAYS regret shoes that look great but hurt my feet).

Her: We need shoes. Jewelry. Pocketbooks. Tights. (Wait, she says these aren’t in style anymore, but I love fishnets and refuse to give them up).

Mentioning the unmentionables.

Me: I don’t have a bra that will work under that dress, so I won’t buy it.

Her: You are WEARING a bra that works under that dress. See? It

Me: That’s what that plastic thing is for?!

Her: Sigh…how do you not know this?

(This conversation actually happened while dress shopping).

Diane von Furstenberg approved.

Me: I want a black a-lined dress. Or a black wrap dress.

Her: You need something more fun.

Me: DO I HAVE TO? (Spoken in the tone of a 3-year old verging on a temper tantrum).

Her: How’s this…this..this…this? TRY THEM ON!

Me: I like the way this looks. We’re done.

Her: Buy it! Looks fabulous. But you can’t wear it to that event so let’s keep looking.

Me: What? We aren’t done? UGH.

(I still don’t understand why the dress that DVF literally invented isn’t good enough for her).

Click. Shop. Done?

Me: Order online.

Her: Go to store. Spend HOURS at store. Or online. She annoyingly can shop anywhere, anytime, for long periods of time.

How much is too much?

Me:  I have enough clothes to last me 7 days. I might need some more black t-shirts. And yoga pants.

Her: Must have many alternatives for many occasions.

8 a.m. on a Wednesday

Me:  I have nothing to wear.

Her: You could wear the such-and-such with the such-and-such.

Me: How the hell do you remember that I even own that?

Her: Emerges in a black Gap t-shirt dress paired with black Seychelles sandals, accessorized with a liquid silver necklace and her Nana’s vintage silver and stone bracelet. Hair in a pony tail, light make-up. *

Me: Emerges in…you guessed it: yoga pants and plain black t-shirt. *

*Literal descriptions from a text exchange at 8a.m. on a Wednesday. Also, I think Seychelles is an island, not as a shoe style. If you know me, you’re laughing that I even know that Seychelles is a place and you are positive I could not find it on a map. (You’re right. I can’t find my house on a map either!)

 Time to vote. Who do you want to shop with?

Do you want to shop with me? My approach is quick-and-easy-let’s-get-out-of-here.  Or better, we can sit next to each other and shop online while we drink wine.

Or, do you want to shop with her? The fashionista who always knows what’s trending, can size up any other person to gauge what looks stunning on said person, and is happy to hit the bar before shopping.

Yeah, I pick her too.






One thought on “Shop With Her, Not With Me

  1. Megan says:

    I love you. And I love shopping with you. And you are NOT that bad. Though admittedly you like to shop less and less as we grow older. It’s okay. I’ll pick out all your muumuu’s and cardigans when we go to the old age home. 😂🤪😘😍

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