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Sweet Dreams

I love sleep. I am a 10-hour-a-night, wake-up-at-10am, sleep-anywhere-anytime type of sleeper.

Given my absolute love of sleep, I was surprised to find myself looking forward to my baby’s 3am wake ups. 3am? That was sacred sleep time, not to be disturbed by anyone for any reason at any time. But her sweet cry would lure me out of bed . As I stumbled into her room she would reach for me and I’d fall in love with her all over again (who even knew that was possible?!?!).

I would pick her up and relish in that sweet baby smell. We’d rock together as she settled in for a snack. I found myself snuggling with her long after that snack was complete. Her head fit like a puzzle piece in the crook of my neck. Her body cradled in my arms perfectly. Her little finger would wrap around mine so naturally. The night silence would envelop us as we cuddled. There was nothing to distract us; nothing to take away from that moment of completely togetherness. We were fully present.

I savored those nights and knew they would be short lived.  The 3am wake up is now a 4am wake up.  I hear her door creek followed by little footsteps running down the hall. She stands by the bedside and gives me a nudge to let me know she is there before crawling into my bed.  We cuddle until the sun rises as  I willingly give up my beloved sleep for a sweet girl who is giving me a lifelong memory.

I treasure those uninterrupted moments at 3 (now 4)am that interrupt my sacred sleep.

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Good grief

Happiness. Love. Peace.

Are these the words you use to describe your emotions when someone is no longer part of your life??

or would you use words like sorrow, anger, regret, and depression?

or maybe, like me, you’d use all of these words and more. Maybe, like me, you were surprised to experience such a  range of wildly different emotions when someone you cared about was gone. Maybe, like me, you were shocked that grief lasts at least a year… that holding a memory of someone in your heart can be joyful…that sadness hits you the hardest at the times you expect it the least.

That wild rollercoaster of emotions? It lasts a year.

A Rabbi shared this wisdom with my family. Grief can last a long time, but it always lasts a year. When you flip the calendar and see the date of a birthday, anniversary, holiday, or other memorable day — the absence of a loved one hits you all over again. Someone you shared special moments with is no longer by your side. You realize again and again that person is no longer physically with you. You relive the goodbye, the moment you knew it was complete. The feelings flood back in waves. All at once.

The most surprising part of it is….

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Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

This blog is a tribute to the show Seinfeld which simultaneously taught me everything I need to know and nothing at all – it is a show about nothing, after all.

Years ago I tried to make it a requirement for all friends and co-workers to watch Seinfeld  but some of my very closest friends dislike the show (blasphemy!)  despite my constant (daily!) references. So I have to share this love (obsession) with other like minded people.

So if you like Seinfeld, this blog is going to make you giggle; if you love Seinfeld this blog will likely make you laugh right out loud. And if you’re a friend of mine who looks confused when I burst out with a pearl random quote or scene description,  you can use this blog as a reference guide.

Now for  rants, raves, and wisdom…

Relationship etiquette

1. Simple, honest pick up lines work best: “Hi, my name is George, I’m unemployed and I live with my parents”

2. Men will say anything to date a woman:

George: Elaine, I once told a woman that I coined the phrase, “Pardon my French.”

Jerry: I once told a woman that I don’t eat cake ‘cause it goes right to my thighs.

George: I once told a woman that I really enjoy spending time with my family.

3. Make a break up easier by taking responsibility: “it’s not you, it’s me”.

4. It takes 2 to break up:

Maura: I refuse to give up on this relationship. It’s like… launching missiles from a submarine. Both of us have to turn our keys.

George: well then, I’m gonna have to ask you to turn your key. Turn your key, Maura. Turn your key!!

5. And breaking up doesn’t always stick the first time: “breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”

6. Sex can save a friendship

Elaine: All right, let’s go, I’ll give you half an hour.
Jerry: You’re serious?
Elaine: Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.
Jerry: Sex to SAVE the friendship. Well if we have to, we have to.

7. There are well established rules to dating. Don’t mess with them. Examples:

Spending the night is optional – and other rules — leads to “I want this, that, AND the other”

The roommate switch is not possible and might lead to a very uncomfortable situation

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Get what you want…Now!

I wanted kids. NOW.

Josh wanted kids. Eventually.

What’s a girl to do when she is ready for major life changes and her partner is not? When it was time (according to me) to get married I went with nagging and demanding with a soft ultimatum. And I got my way…eventually. I remember one year I was convinced Josh was going to pop the question for my birthday. Instead he gave me a sword. My friend Jen thought that was ballsy – giving a girl a weapon when she expects a diamond. I digress…

Josh and I were together for 7 years before he proposed. There was no way I was waiting another 7 (or more!) to have a baby. So I pondered everything I know about getting my way. My conclusion was something I learned from my marketing career: to get what you want, you need to know your audience and position in terms that are beneficial for them. We’re talking win-win, people. And we’re talking about convincing a man who was very content with our life  to accept a drastic change in our lifestyle that included: sleepless night, less sex, a cranky wife, whiny kids, and less overall “adult time”.

Tough sell.

Even tougher when trying to convince a man that is an engineer by education, a sales guy at heart, and an executive by day.

I did what any good marketer would do. I devised a 3-part plan that would be executed over the course of 6 months.  I promised that I would knock off the baby talk for all those months, during which time we could both ponder what we want, why we wanted it, and when we wanted it. I let Josh know that I was creating a powerpoint sales pitch that I would deliver at the end of the oh-so-hard-not-to-mention-babies– 6 months. Yes, you read that right. I created a powerpoint slide deck to sell my husband on the concept of having a baby. NOW. (have I mentioned I am really impatient?)

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…One is silver, one is gold

For Kim, who helped me discover and test this theory, and who gracefully and quickly moved through the friendship hierarchy…landing herself one of a few spots in my “BFF” category.

My mom taught me that friends are fiercely loyal, 100% supportive no matter the circumstance, and would go to the ends of the earth  for me. And while these are undeniable characteristics of close friendships, they are not the distinguishing attributes of *all* friendships.

I spent 22 years constantly evaluating all of my friends to make sure they measured up to my standards (most didn’t). In those 22 years I told off, reamed out, and cut off many friends whom I would later apologize to (or wish that I hadn’t been so abrasive, abrupt, and judgmental towards). I felt let down and miserable…

If only someone had said this to me,

“We don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change” — Paul Coelho

One day I put it into perspective and developed the Friendship Hierarchy – which seems pretty “I’m a 14 year old middle school girl trying to be popular”  but might be one of my most brilliant philosophies to date (at least Kim thinks so). Instead of forcing  all of my acquaintances and friends to become “best friends” I slowed down and valued each relationship as it was. I stopped trying to accelerate everyone into the coveted BFF category. I released the insanely impossible demands I placed on every person in my life. And I felt an immense sense of relief.

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