- You never miss an episode even though the show went off the air 15 years ago.
- You think it’s not possible to watch too much of, or talk too much about, Seinfeld.
- You get angry if anything interferes with Seinfeld (damn BASEBALL).
- You reference the show daily.
- You start a conversation with “helllloooo [fill in person’s name]”, gloss over juicy details with “yada yada yada”, and end with “not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
- When surprised, you yell “GET OUT” and shove someone.
- You’ve left a meeting on a high note.
- You have at least one pet named after a Seinfeld character.
- When someone says, “you’ll never believe what so-an-so named their kid” you excitedly reply “SEVEN?!?” (One time I did this and my non-Seinfeld friends looked at me in bewilderment. In fact, the baby’s name was Seven.).
This blog is a tribute to the show Seinfeld which simultaneously taught me everything I need to know and nothing at all – it is a show about nothing, after all.
Years ago I tried to make it a requirement for all friends and co-workers to watch Seinfeld but some of my very closest friends dislike the show (blasphemy!) despite my constant (daily!) references. So I have to share this love (obsession) with other like minded people.
So if you like Seinfeld, this blog is going to make you giggle; if you love Seinfeld this blog will likely make you laugh right out loud. And if you’re a friend of mine who looks confused when I burst out with a pearl random quote or scene description, you can use this blog as a reference guide.
Now for rants, raves, and wisdom…
1. Simple, honest pick up lines work best: “Hi, my name is George, I’m unemployed and I live with my parents”
2. Men will say anything to date a woman:
George: Elaine, I once told a woman that I coined the phrase, “Pardon my French.”
Jerry: I once told a woman that I don’t eat cake ‘cause it goes right to my thighs.
George: I once told a woman that I really enjoy spending time with my family.
3. Make a break up easier by taking responsibility: “it’s not you, it’s me”.
4. It takes 2 to break up:
Maura: I refuse to give up on this relationship. It’s like… launching missiles from a submarine. Both of us have to turn our keys.
George: well then, I’m gonna have to ask you to turn your key. Turn your key, Maura. Turn your key!!
5. And breaking up doesn’t always stick the first time: “breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
6. Sex can save a friendship
Elaine: All right, let’s go, I’ll give you half an hour.
Jerry: You’re serious?
Elaine: Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.
Jerry: Sex to SAVE the friendship. Well if we have to, we have to.
7. There are well established rules to dating. Don’t mess with them. Examples:
Spending the night is optional – and other rules — leads to “I want this, that, AND the other”
The roommate switch is not possible and might lead to a very uncomfortable situation