“Mommy, I don’t want to cuddle anymore.”
For a minute I was speechless.
Stunned.
Already?
Wasn’t cuddling and talking about our day supposed to last for YEARS? At age six, Marlee declared she was done.
My heart broke a little. It would be the first of many things Marlee was ready for before I was.
Or was she?
Of all the mom’s I know, only Stephanie is able to run a farm, cook elaborate meals, and keep the house clean — all with two kids in tow – whether or not her husband is around to help her.Stephanie is some sort of mom-wife superhero. The rest of us are just trying to get by when our resources are cut in half.
So what should you do when your partner is out of town, working late, or otherwise unavailable? This is what works for me —
It’s cliquey.
All they want is money.
It will consume all my free time.
I was stunned to learn these accusations of the PTA are true.
Or not.
Really it depends who I talk to. And if they’ve had coffee.
Maybe the real problem is one of perception. Perception brought on by (dare I say it?) poor branding and lazy messaging.
Yup, I said it.
I’m not going to bore you with all that bullshit about how rewarding it is, how you are giving back to your children and the community (ok, I might say that ONCE to instill some guilt), and how fun it is. While true, you can read that anywhere. Let me give you my insider’s perspective.
Once upon a time I accepted that laundry was my job. Forever. I dreaded the monotony and disruption of the chore. Washer…wait for it… dryer…wait for it… fold clothes..takes forever especially because all clothes are inside out… put clothes away…which is really optional around here…repeat. YAWN. Boooooring.
While I love clean clothes I am still mildly annoyed by the never ending cycle of wash, dry, and fold. At any given moment of any given day I am in one of the laundry stages.
During a recent “will this never end?” rant, Josh pointed out that I can’t possibly loathe doing laundry as much as I claim. In fact, my actions show that I must LOVE it.
It’s the very first thing I wrote down in my notebook. Act as if.
How exactly was I supposed to do that? Surely the trainer was going to reveal the secret during our first day of leadership training. Instead she took us on a year-long journey that started with THINK AS IF …led to ACT AS IF…and ultimately became the way things are. (or in progress of becoming.)
What is leading? It’s knowing when to talk and when to listen. It’s knowing when to lead and when to follow. It’s motivating people to do good work. It’s about having outstanding interpersonal skills. And staying focused on business outcomes. Always.
It’s all of that and so much more.
As I wrote down “Act as if” in my notebook I realized that some of the simplest lessons would be the hardest to apply.
Is there any dating that is more awkward than mommy-dating? Mommy-dating has all the fears and strangeness of “regular dating” with the added complexities of (1) the main thing you have in common is your kids (2) there are more people affected by the relationship than just you and the other mom. Namely, the kids. And also the husbands / partners / significant others.
Mommy dating is similar to regular dating in some ways —
First there’s interest. The moment you realize you have something in common with another mom. When small talk gives way to meaningful conversations that bypass bottle feeding, potty training, or soccer practice.
Then there’s the moment of “what do I do next”? Do we get together? With the kids? With the husbands? What’s the protocol here? And how do I suggest getting together without being totally awkward?
When you get together – especially if it’s a mommy only outing – it really starts to feel like dating again. Thoughts drift through your mind like:
There are some benefits of pregnancy that no one seems to be talking about. With so many books, guides, and other forms of information out there, how has no one touched on these perks?
There is a group of women, like my friend Sarah, who can walk for miles in in four inch heels without a whimper of complaint.
And then there’s me. A person who can’t resist a gorgeous pair of shoes but craves comfort above all else.
Does beauty trump comfort? How do I go from, “I am looking for a pretty, comfortable pair of shoes” to a closet filled with beautiful shoes I never wear because they torture my feet?
Here’s how:
I’m in the store. There they are. A pair of shoes I.must.have.
I gingerly put them on my feet. I admire their beauty.
I walk around the store thinking this is *the perfect pair of shoes*.
I convince myself they ARE comfortable despite any warning signs to the contrary. Anyway, how can you really know if a shoe fits from walking around a small store?
I purchase them, mentally picturing which outfits they will match.
My consideration to become the president of the PTA was met with a mix of cynicism and skepticism. Friends and family questioned my sanity. Josh stared at me in disbelief while uttering the words, “I support this if it makes you happy.” (collective awwwww!)
While I thought, “How can I NOT have time for something so important?” others were in disbelief that I could make time for something so consuming and significant.
Apparently overcoming denial is a big part of being a PTA president.
Denial # 1: It can’t take that much time
After spending 4 weeks getting up to speed during my scarce “free time” I can say with 100% certainty: holy crap this is a lot of work. I dedicated 2 days of PTO to the PTA already. While it is quite time consuming I am also quite happy. This is going to be a fulfilling year but I might have to give up sleeping entirely. And in case you didn’t know, I LOVE SLEEP.
Meet Newman
Love the Moment 